Wednesday, March 16, 2011

'February The Fifth': Doug Adams Meets Dan Brown -- Sorta



Review: FEBRUARY THE FIFTH (CreateSpace 2010)
Author: Derek Haines

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away ... no, that's a whole 'nuther movie. This book takes place in the future. In a place that has no less than 12 sun systems. Twelve, as in the number of months in the calendar. Aha! The rulers of this empire comprised of the 12 sun systems are a Gregorian clan with names taken from said same calendar. Got that? :)

In other words, February the Fifth is a person. In fact, February is the person who ends up becoming successor as the new "Supreme Potentate," aka, leader of the empire after his father dies (or is he killed?) even though he is an ill-prepared, acne-plagued and fairly lazy, well, fool. The news of his dad's and brothers' deaths are delivered by a dour messenger with the most peculiar name of Snurd Humped. (More on him later.)

So, anyway, February goes to his lovely sisters -- April, May and June (what else?) -- for assistance. Lord knows, he can use it. Despite all indications to the contrary, Feb (for short) manages to rise to the occasion and take the oath properly. Through contact with a special orb, Feb is infused with leadership qualities. Hello? Things have changed.

Then things get really interesting when someone tries to, um, terminate Feb with extreme prejudice. (Yeah, another movie. I know, I know ...)

In fact, Feb and the sisters have to take it on the run. They bring along a couple of allies, including a fellow named Stringley, who's handy at tea making and backgammon, and the aforesaid dour messenger Snurd, whose lost his taste for his former bureaucratic post, I suppose.

Now ... what follows gets REALLY exciting. Big spaceships piloted by lizardlike creatures. But nice ones! Explosions as they're attacked. By their own people! Good grief! Running and hiding. Trips to strange new planets. Historical recountings. Understanding the family's roots.

To say too much here would reveal spoilers. Let's just say that the Catholic Church and the planet Earth are both key to the plot. Thus, Douglas Adams meets Dan Brown ... sorta. Except without albinos, the Louvre or the number 42. So, it's different. Really.

Okay, so ... a few peccadilloes. Do I wish some double skips had been inserted between a few scenes, here and there? Sure. Could a few words have been sacrificed to editing? Sure. Did I read the book, anyway? Yes, absolutely! Why? Because I really loved it. The story grabbed me right away. It's a lighthearted, funny read with a serious point. A great combination.

And I laughed out loud many a time. But I'm a kid at heart, so I do that sort of thing.

Er, is it really a spoiler to say it ends well? I don't think so. To be more accurate, I'd say it pretty much does.
Posted by Debbi Mack

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Today Is The Day! 5th February 2011

Today is the day! February The Fifth's very own official day of the year! So join in the celebration.


The reviews have been outstanding.


'I really think this is the best Derek Haines book I have read so far. Would rate it 42 if I could...'


Check the reviews here.


So join in the celebration for the day and take advantage of the February price of only $0.99  for February The Fifth from Amazon Kindle or Smashwords.


For those who prefer a real book in their hands, February The Fifth is also available in paperback from Amazon.


As a bonus, Milo Moon and Louis are also available for only $0.99 during February. So grab yourself the February bargains for your e-reader.


More information is available on Derek's Website.


*Amazon Kindle may charge for international wireless delivery in some countries.



Monday, January 31, 2011

99 Cent Book Bonanza Month


February will be Kindle Book Bonanza month for my readers.


Not only is February the launch month for my new book, February The Fifth, it is also my birthday month. So to celebrate both events, my new book will not be $4.99 or $2.99 or even $1.99.
And not only February The Fifth.
My most recent two books, Louis and Milo Moon, will also join in the fun in February.
So get both Louis and Milo Moon in February as well for only 99c* !
You don’t have a Kindle? Don’t worry. Even for those without a Kindle, you can use your PC, Mac, iPhone or iPad Kindle applications to download and read all three books for only 99c each.
February The Fifth has received great reviews. 
I laughed, had fun, remembered all the characters because of their crazy names and even thought about how the author invented them -- most importantly, I think I learned something!’  "Bitsy Bling Books"
‘He tells the story of his sudden and unexpected rise to power, and it consequences, with his usual easy style of writing that is both enjoyable and funny. A great read.’  “Tractid”
‘Derek Haines plays with some crazy ideas in his head and lets his vivid imagination go wild.’ “Vivo”
*Amazon Kindle may charge for international wireless delivery in some countries.
February The Fifth is available from Amazon and for Kindle
More information about Derek Haines on his website.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

February Price Plunge


New book release in February to be heavily discounted.
To celebrate the release of his popular new book, February The Fifth, Derek Haines has confirmed than not only his new book, but his two previous releases, Milo Moon and Louis will be heavily discounted in February for Kindle e-book readers.
Normally priced at $2.99 per e-book, all three titles with be available for the month of  February for only $0.99. Even for those without a Kindle, they can use their PC, Mac or iPad Kindle applications to download and read all three books.
‘Even if my readers are worried about spending $0.99, they can get a free sample of all three books if they wish. So nothing to lose,’ he said.
February The Fifth has received great reviews. An allegorical and fast paced sci-fi farce.
Some reviews:
I laughed, had fun, remembered all the characters because of their crazy names and even thought about how the author invented them -- most importantly, I think I learned something!’  "Bitsy Bling Books"

‘He tells the story of his sudden and unexpected rise to power, and it consequences, with his usual easy style of writing that is both enjoyable and funny. A great read.’  “Tractid”

‘Derek Haines plays with some crazy ideas in his head and lets his vivid imagination go wild.’ “Vivo”


February The Fifth is available from Amazon and for Kindle
More information about Derek Haines on his website.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Book Review

4.0 out of 5 stars Something uniqueJanuary 22, 2011



This review is from: February The Fifth (Paperback)
This is the third book I have read by Derek Haines, and clearly he is working on developing a unique style. His ability to convey the depth of this witty and intricate story in a very easy, and unadorned style, makes February the Fifth a most enjoyable read. I recognised this when I read Milo Moon, but in this book I think he has really found his mark. 

Endearing you to his characters without long passages of description keeps the story moving at a pace. He seems to have a particular liking for his character Snurd Humped though, as he gets more attention than most characters in descriptive passages. 

I don't think it is a sci-fi story at all. The author simply used it as a pretext for telling a wonderful story about Feb, the main character. He used fantasy settings to invent wonderful names for his characters and to convey his very personal views on the world. Sometimes, he even becomes a gastronomic critic of the unreal! 

Derek Haines plays with some crazy ideas in his head and lets his vivid imagination go wild. 

Very enjoyable!

February The Fifth is available from Amazon and for Kindle
More information about Derek Haines on his website.




Friday, January 21, 2011

Author Interview - Derek Haines (Part II)


Intrepid reporter Said Orquardly continues his interview with Derek Haines, author of the new book February The Fifth. Trying to discover who he really is...


FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
PRLog (Press Release)Jan 21, 2011

SO. Would you say that your new book has given you the feeling of an overnight success? 

DH. Possibly. I’m usually a deep sleeper, so perhaps I’ve been sleeping the last thirty-five years and was lucky enough to wake up just at the right time with a decent book in my hand. So I think in reality, I have to say that the answer is no. 

SO. When did you first start writing? 

DH. Oh, I think I got the hang of running writing quite early on. Probably about Fourth Grade. Up until then I’d only been printing really. 

SO. Perhaps I should have been more precise with my question. When did you start writing books? 

DH. Sorry. Yes I misunderstood your question. Well, books were a little late in coming, although I had collected a lot of silly little notes, bits of useless information and the odd poem or two most of my life. Even a song or two. It all seemed to come together around my forty-second birthday for some reason. Just seemed like a good time to start putting all the pieces together. 

OS. Interesting that you mention forty-two. Some have compared your writing to Douglas Adams. 

DH. I think these ‘some’ you refer to are off the mark really. He was a pure genius. And a very tall one too. I’m quite short and am not a genius, so it’s irrational to compare. I mean, he didn’t like Thursdays and it’s Wednesdays that really peeve me. He did write on a Mac though, so maybe that’s where your ‘some’ may have been heading. I also use a Mac, so I’ll agree that we are comparable in that way. 

SO. You live in Switzerland now, but were born in Australia. Why did you move? 

DH. As a child I was a perennial runaway. First tried at about four, but had a flat tyre on my tricycle and my father had to help me make it to the front gate. I got a bit more adventurous and had some success in my teens, making it some miles from home on my bicycle on a number of occasions. When I finally got to Sydney, on the other side of the country at eighteen, I knew I was making progress. Then as life progressed, I wandered further. Finally coming to a halt in Switzerland. It is the furtherest point on the globe from where I was born, so if I move one more inch, I’ll be going backwards. 

SO. And has all this travelling had a positive effect on your writing? 

DH. Well if it is true that travel broadens the mind, I must have a mind the width of a double barn door. So in that respect, I suppose I have a few little life experiences to draw on; and exploit. But mostly it’s the number of street names that I’ve collected that is really valuable in my books. Hight Street Road is one of my favourites. 

SO. Would you class yourself as a novelist or a satirist? 

DH. Perhaps a novice would be more accurate. As close as I get to a satirist is drinking one of my favourite wines from my district. It’s called Satyre. A wonderful Pinot Noir. So a red wine drinking, novice scribbler would be better. 

SO. But you do use humour in your writing. 

DH. I have to really. It really was getting far too depressing for me writing about life, reality and people. There was also the research and getting my facts right. It was getting me down. So I started looking at my writing differently when I wrote Milo Moon. Lightened up a little and started having some fun. 

SO. So you found a writing formula?
DH. Yes.
SO. And what is it?
 
DH. My business.
SO. Is it a secret?
DH. Some things are better kept classified. With all the wikileaks business going on now, one can’t be too careful. 

SO Can I ask you one more question. 

DH. No. 

SO. But it’s my job.
DH. I’m sorry. That was a bit mean of me, wasn’t it. Please. Stop fretting and ask me something incisive. 

SO. Alright. When is your birthday? 

DH. February The Fifth.

# # #

Derek Haines is an author of fiction, historical fiction, essays and poetry. Born in Australia, but now living in Switzerland, his stories cross a wide geographical range but often draw from his life and experiences in the two countries he calls home.

--- end ---     Visit Press Room
February The Fifth is available from Amazon and for Kindle
More information about Derek Haines on his website.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Book Review


4.0 out of 5 stars
When in Rom..., January 19, 2011
By Bitsy Bling "Bitsy Bling Books" (Seattle, WA)

This review is from: February The Fifth (Paperback)

What happens when a privileged son too low in the royal family line to be important but nonetheless still a royal, finds himself thrust towards responsibility? He goes on an galactic journey to discover where he comes from, who he is, and what he must do to become the man to lead. You ask how does an acne-faced, body odor plagued, lazy-eyed kid manage this enormous task? With the help of lizard pilots, three wise sisters, and a few other misfits tossed in for good measure. Feb, as he is called by his friends, travels the galaxy to find his way back to the beginning, literally, his family's beginning.

Along the way there is lots of eating and time for three-handed Canasta with a small side of romance, but only for his sisters. Feb's got bigger things to worry about like governmental over-throws and civil unrest. This comedic sci-fi tale touches on themes of power, origins, privilege, morality and even cleverly makes use of historical details (a bonus in my department). It plays with language which establishes a unique tone and style. Moments remind me of what it might be like if Dr. Seuss wrote The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I mean this as a compliment (in case you were wondering). It's simplicity makes it complex.

For example, the bluest of the blue and the blackest of the black. There are times when writers try too hard to describe something: a color, the weather or a feeling. Sometimes, it is just blue, deep blue, royal blue or the bluest of the blues. I laughed, had fun, remembered all the characters because of their crazy names and even thought about how the author invented them -- most importantly, I think I learned something! And by the way, if you ever find yourself visiting Erde, I recommend the salmon and when in Rom, well, eat the pasta!


February The Fifth is available from Amazon and for Kindle
More information about Derek Haines on his website.


Monday, January 17, 2011

Photographic Proof



Further to his claim that the mystery planet of Gloth has been hiding behind Jupiter forever, Derek Haines, the author of February The Fifth, released this photograph this morning claiming that he took the photo with his new Canon SLR. 
'All I had to do was erase Jupiter and there it was,' he stated. I have now done this a few times, so I'm sure of my facts now.'
Although there has been a theory that another planet exists in our solar system; sometimes referred to as Planet X, this is the first time that conclusive photographic proof has been verified.
February The Fifth is available from Amazon and for Kindle
More information about Derek Haines on his website.



Saturday, January 15, 2011

An Interview With Author Derek Haines



FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
PRLog (Press Release) – Jan 12, 2011


With the release of his new book, February The Fifth, our reporter Said Orquardly tracked down Derek Haines for this exclusive interview.

SO. How did you come to discover this hidden planet called Gloth? 
DH. It was strange really. I was actually looking at images of Jupiter in Google images. I found one I liked, but there was a big red blotch on it. So I popped it into my clever photo software to clean it up. But when I erased the red blotch, I noticed there was something behind it. 
SO. Gloth? 
DH. Yes. After a little more Jupiter erasing, there it was. The hidden planet of Gloth. 
SO. And this became the inspiration for your new book.
 
DH. Well, I could hardly pass up the opportunity of a new planet now could I? 
SO. No. I understand. So, how did you arrive at the name of the main character, February The Fifth? 
DH. Well, in fact it’s not his real name. I chose it to protect his identity and because I love alliterations. I did however toy with the names Rocky and Henry but somehow they just didn’t have that certain ring you need in a famous character’s name. In conversations with him, I called him George though. He seemed quite happy with that. 
SO. You seem to have a pre-occupation with religion in the book. Is there a reason for this? 
DH. No I don’t believe I have a pre-occupation with anything in the book. I have heard the nasty gossip about me having copied notes from my Sunday School work book, but this simply isn’t true. If anything, I believe I may have over used ordinal numbers though. 
SO. One criticism that has been levelled at your book and your writing in general, is that you don’t kill off enough people to be a valid author of fiction. How do you react to this? 
DH. Yes, it’s true. Along with my reticence to use gratuitous sex and vampires, it could be a valid criticism. But I believe in keeping within the bounds of decency and my lexical range. There are just some words I don’t know. 
SO. On the subject of lexis and vocabulary, I note that you have a couple of favourite words. 
DH. Oh, you’re referring to things and stuff. Yes, I do like to use these two words at critical points in the story because they save on a whole bunch of paragraphs just describing something. The story moves much faster by using these two words. You know, ‘He grabbed some things and went and did some stuff,’ really has some pace about it don’t you think? 
SO. The burning question I suppose for your readers is if there will be a sequel to February The Fifth. A Sixth perhaps? 
DH. At this point in time, I’m not really sure. I was very careful though to keep my options open by including a hint of procreation in Feb Five, so the door is open. 
SO. Well, thank you so much for your time this morning, and good luck with the new book.
 
DH. My pleasure. Oh and don’t forget, Derek only has one R.
# # #
Derek Haines is an author of fiction, historical fiction, essays and poetry. Born in Australia, but now living in Switzerland, his stories cross a wide geographical range but often draw from elements of his life and experiences in the two countries he calls home.
--- end ---     Visit Press Room


February The Fifth is available from Amazon and for Kindle
More information about Derek Haines on his website.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Press Release

Who Can Wait Until February 5th?

What has Pope Gregory got to do with science fiction?

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

PRLog (Press Release) – Jan 10, 2011 – In a very odd turn of events, a 16th century Pope ends up finding himself as a central character in a new science fiction farce by Derek Haines. Comical, allegorical and satirical. Nothing is sacred as God, heaven, creation, evolution and backgammon are all used as tools of Haines' satire. Astronomers and physicists will be shocked to find there is a planet missing from their calculations and hence the Solar System will never be the same again. All of them rushing off to find this new planet that has been hiding behind Jupiter for all these eons.

Discover more about February The Fifth : 


At Amazon
Available for your Kindle
Also from Smashwords

www.derekhaines.ch